Better is NOT Perfect

January 31, 2009

Hello world! (Or, Version 1 of my “About Me” Page)

When you start a new WordPress Blog, by default it has one post. This post. Hello World!

Hello World!
Based on my blog’s title, who am I? . . . ? Your answer will determine how I’ll sound to you in all my posts.

I’m a Hater
I’m on the Microsoft payroll and am just pulling a Dvorak and trolling for page hits. I’m Dan Lyons. I’m Fake Dan Lyons, I’m Fake Fake Dan Lyons. I’m a Microsoft PR Move to deflect from [insert bad news here]. I’m a gamer and build-it-yourself type who thinks everyone should know how to upgrade their RAM and add a second hard drive. I think that Bill Gates was a visionary, but was taken down by jealous companies who couldn’t compete in the market and had to get Big Brother to fight for them. I’ve never touched a Mac, except in Middle school and it kept freezing up; they’re overpriced and under-specced and I won’t waste money on a fancy case with a logo on it.

I’m a Fanboi Apologist
I worship at the altar of Steve Jobs. I drank the Kool-Aid and only pretend to grumble so I can make excuses. I’ve never owned a PC because I’m rich. I have Apple stickers on my car, my bicycle, my skateboard, and my dorm-room door. I like to think I’m a rebel, and I’m Different, and therefore better and cooler than you. I have all my hair, and it hangs down to my ass. I believed in Apple II Forever. I bled in six colors. I believe that Jeff and Andy were creating two very different machines, and Steve made the Mac into neither and both. I think Apple is that iPod/iTunes company with the cool bus ads and has something to do with The Beetles.

Who am I really?
I’m a nobody. I’m your brother. I’m Steve Jobs. I’m Fake Steve Jobs Twice Removed. I’m a fourteen year old who just got his own room and a new Mac. I’m the original 40 Year Old Virgin.

OK, it’s not funny anymore.
Well, it was for me. Spoiled sport. Truth? I’m no one you’ve heard of. I write things that you don’t care about and definitely don’t agree with. You shouldn’t read this blog at all. Go away. You’ll thank me.

You think this is comedy gold, don’t you?
I think I’m kinda cute. Of course, that’s the crap they use to rake you over the coals later.

Cute, or Smug?
See! It’s happening already. You’ve put me in a box.

Who are you talking to?
Isn’t that.. me? I mean… you’re me, right? There’s no interviewer giving voice over. I mean, I’m not doing voices out loud or anything.

You want to do it out loud into the empty room, now. Don’t you?

Don’t you?

*sigh*
Yay!!

January 7, 2008

MWSF2008: What I want vs. What I expect

[NOTE: This post was originally published January 7, 2008 @ 7:35 on my personal blog. It has been moved here to consolidate all my Apple-Related rants in one place.]

We all know the format. Rock music is playing while the auditorium fills. Backstage Stephen Jobs, businessman, readies himself for his performance as The Steve. He’s in costume, he’s well rehearsed, and he has his water. The music stops and he walks onstage to a thunderous applause.

First he talks about Old News (existing products, sales reports), then New News (doling out the goodies).

New software first, then (if any) new hardware and hardware bumps. The earlier he reveals new hardware, the more new hardware we’ll get.

Then one more thing. Maybe. He doesn’t do them every time.

Sometimes a thank you and goodbye, sometimes a musical guest.

So what will be the specifics? Until next week, we can only guess.

He’s my two cents:

iPod:
What I expect: The lineup got a complete refresh in October, including a new model. I don’t expect hardware to change in capacity or price at all. I expect firmware 1.1.3 for the iPod Touch to come out with all the rumored features.

What I want: A video/voice VOIP handset. Call it the iPod Chat. or the iChat Mobile. Or the skunkcabbage vomit machine. Who cares what you call it? Just make it. Please.

iPhone:
What I expect: Firmware 1.1.3 and a loose date for the SDK.

What I want: Immediate release of the SDK and a developer’s preview of Firmware 1.2.0 which it will require.

Portable Macs:
What I expect: Processor and hard drive bumps on existing models.

What I want: Wide touchpads on all models, including a new Macbook Mini, and the functions in OSX to take advantage of it (like resolution independence, Ink, and gestures). Also: A mini tablet that you hold like a PSP.

Desktop Macs:
What I expect: Processor and hard drive bumps for the iMac and Mac mini. Nothing for the Mac Pro.

What I want: A whole new desktop machine. Shaped like a small drawing board, it does away with the pointer and introduces a different GUI paradigm.

AppleTV:
What I expect: After two years in the making, there will be movie rentals.

What I want: TV Show rentals at ridiculously low prices. Low enough to consider cutting out your cable bill and going all-internet.

Cinema Displays:
What I expect: Nothing.
What I want: New 24″, 26″ 42″ and 52″ models. Standard with iSight, BTO without.

Partnerships:
What I expect: Skip lines @ Starbuck’s. All Starbuck’s in airports are now wired for iPhone.

What I want: iPhone now works other places like it does at Starbucks. Music off the air, browse the iTunes Music Store, and order food if available. (Like the pizza/hotdogs at Costco)

Software:
What I expect: iTunes 8
What I want: OS X 10.5.2, and updates to iLife and iWork.

One More thing:
What I expect: He didn’t do a “one more thing” at all between September of 2004 (iPod nano) and October 2007 (iPod touch). I wouldn’t expect one this time.

What I want: I want it all. Duh.

Musical Guest: Nobody. Too much new hardware.

April 13, 2007

Leopard Delayed: A call for 10.4.10

[NOTE: This post was originally published April 13, 2007 @ 16:23 on my personal blog. It has been moved here to consolidate all my Apple-Related rants in one place.]

Apple announced yesterday that the next version of the Mac operating system, OS X 10.5 Leopard, is going to be delayed by 12 weeks.

Today, I’m answering with a request: Issue 10.4.10 to fix what 10.4.9 broke.

Specifically, dropped frames in Final Cut Pro 4.5 during capture, resulting in failed captures. Final Cut Express 3.0 users are suffering the same bug. I simply don’t have the money (or the RAM or Hard Drive space) to upgrade to Final Cut Pro 5.x to fix this problem. Using iMovie is not a suitable workaround.

If the politics of explaining that numbers do not have two decimal points is keeping you from releasing 10.4.10, I suggest calling it 10.4.9.1 or 10.4.9a.

March 26, 2007

The Cons of Switching from Windows to Mac. Ten Quick Ones.

[NOTE: This post was originally published March 26, 2007 @ 9:36 on my personal blog. It has been moved here to consolidate all my Apple-Related rants in one place.]

The Cons of Switching from Windows to Mac. Ten Quick Ones.

1. Everything has a learning curve. Remember learning to tie your shoes? It won’t be nearly that hard.

2. It’s different. Yes, I know this is a Pro, but it goes along with that learning curve thing.

3. Firewire and USB 2.0 only. Gotta dump that ancient printer, finally.

4. When you ask for help, people will try to “solve your problem” rather than answer your question. They will also question your motive for doing it YOUR way. It’s a right-brained/left-brained thing, I think.

5. You will become a magnet for every Apple hater around. You will be surprised how personally offended others are by your choice in electronics purchases. Heaven forbid you buy hardware from a manufacturer that writes its own OS rather than outsourcing it!

6. Mac Memory. When you switch from PC to Mac you will have to break the habit of buying the cheapest RAM you can buy and/or cannibalizing old/dead machines. You will have to buy quality pieces of hardware. Quality hardware is expensive when one is used to bottom of the barrel and freebies.

7. WMV files with one or more of the many types of Microsoft DRM on them go from being “confusing and overpriced” to “completely useless”.

8. Hardware Manufacturers who must sign away the rights to include Mac or Linux drivers with their products (or mention on the box that it works AT ALL) in order to get the “Designed for Windows” logo necessary to compete turns buying gear into Russian Roulette.

9. Software Companies who have to halt development of Mac versions in order to get those same logos. This is happening less and less. In fact, software that halted development of Mac versions in the 90s are returning to the Mac. *cough* Premiere *cough*.

10. Owning a Mac makes you want to own more Apple gear. It sounds like a joke. It isn’t.

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.